I’m logging my Monster Movie Month © viewing with ultra-mini
reviews at the end of every week this October. I write it. You read it. No one
needs to get hurt.
Mill of the Stone
Women (1960- dir. Giorgio Ferroni) ***½
A young doofus goes to work for an artist famous for
creating a gruesome carousel of infamous women condemned to death. The doofus
has a fling with the artist’s daughter despite the warning that she’ll drop
dead if she becomes slightly upset. Needless to say, this relationship does not
end well. Despite a plot so similar to a couple of other movies that if I gave
you their titles you’d have this one’s plot figured out lickety-split and heaps
of exposition subtle as Nikolai Volkoff’s scrotum in your soup, Mill of the Stone Women is pretty
exceptional. The creepy-sculpture-crammed windmill is an ace horror movie
setting, and though the characters all start off pretty blah, they all go
absolutely bonkers by the fiery, freaky climax. Poe would have been envious.
The Boogeyman is pseudo slasher garbage, but at least it is pseudo
in an entirely clever way. An abused little boy offs his parents and he and his
sister, who witnesses the murder, grow up to have serious issues. I’ll admit to
a bias against slasher movies, and this one didn’t challenge it, but I didn’t
see the supernatural twist coming (though maybe I should have considering that it’s called The Boogeyman) and the
editing is effectively fractured. Nicholas Love, who plays the grown up version
of the little killer, has the distinction of starring in the worst subplot in
the history of Twin Peaks.
October 6
The Children (2008-
dir. Tom Shankland) *
Two families convene in the country to enjoy a nice Christmas
holiday together and the children start acting like mini Lizzie Bordens and
Norman Bateses. There’s no explanation for the tots’ homicidal behavior, so
this glorified slasher flick feels especially empty and pointless. This wad of
stupidity might have at least been good for a few unintentional laughs if it
wasn’t so ugly and cruel. Alas, The
Children is good for nothing.
Ghost Story (1974-
dir. Stephen Weeks) ***½
Three plum-sucking poshos go on holiday in a mansion for the
purpose of shooting pheasants. With the help of a Victorian doll that follows
him everywhere, the most skittish of the trio starts having time-traveling
visions of Marianne Faithfull in a snake pit. Ghost Story is pretty surreal and it takes some time to get
oriented in its machinations. That’s a good thing, because without the
unconventional storytelling, Ghost Story
would be a fairly conventional ghost story. The asylum inmates are grotesque
caricatures of the mentally ill, but this movie still works quite well as a
sort of Twilight Zone nightmare for
Oxforders and that doll is nearly as terrifying and hilarious as Talky Tina.
Incidentally, the most superfluous of the three boys is played by the actor who
inspired Withnail of Withnail & I.
October 7
Society (1989- dir.
Brian Yuzna) **½
I like Brian Yuzna, but the tone of the first film he
directed is all off. Neurotic Billy comes to believe his family is involved in
some sort of gang-bang conspiracy on the eve of his sister’s coming out party.
The conspiracy is intriguing, and Billy—with his own weird incestuous
desires—definitely isn’t your run of the mill hero, but too many scenes feel
like they belong in a dumb teen sex comedy and Billy too closely resembles a
mini-Charlie Sheen to earn our sympathy. The impressively realized surrealistic
climax loses much of its potency because of the silliness that precedes it. As
a social satire, Society is as blunt
as they come. Slamming a Jäger
shot every time a character says “society” would be an awesome drinking game
for anyone who longs to die of alcohol poisoning.
October 8
Long Live the King
(2016- dir. Frank Dietz and Trish Geiger) ***
Long Live the King
is the kind of fan appreciation that usually appears as a DVD bonus feature.
Fans such as Joe Dante, Bob Burns, Greg Nicotero, Doug Jones, and Dana Gould
describe their first experiences seeing King
Kong, give a pointless synopsis of the entire film, provide some background
information on the its creation, and a few genuinely interesting tidbits, such
as a ridiculous King Kong vs. Frankenstein monster rally that never got made.
No one engages with Kong’s troubling
depictions of race and gender, which would have made this a richer look back on
a great yet flawed movie. The more critical discussions of Kong’s legacy on
screen (including the Rankin and Bass cartoon!) provide the juiciest moments.
October 9
I Vampiri (1957- dir.
Ricardo Freda w/Mario Bava) ****
In Paris (where everyone speaks Italian), a killer who
exsanguinates victims is on the loose. An old woman who hides her face behind a
curtain of scary veils is pulling the strings. The plot is fairly predictable,
and the first half drags, but I Vampiri
has a lot going for it that mitigates those issues. There are neat nods to Dracula and Frankenstein, a fab score that breaks out the theremin at just the
right moment, breath-taking widescreen B&W cinematography from Mario Bava
(who finished directing the picture after Ricardo Freda butted horns with the
producers), superb use of the transformation effects Mamoulian pioneered in Jekyll and Hyde, and some of the most
marvelous sets I’ve ever seen in any film. This was Italy’s first sound horror
film, and it’s a commendable start to a most fruitful strain of Gothic
nightmares.
The Possession of
Joel Delaney (1972- dir. Warris Hussein) *
Shirley Maclaine is a fancy shmancy rich lady whose brother
is possessed by the spirit of a Puerto Rican serial killer. Needless to say, The Possession of Joel Delaney treads
into some seriously sketchy territory. Perhaps the filmmakers intended to make
some sort of comment on the haves’ disconnect from the have-nots. If so,
there’s an embarrassing lack of focus, and the film ends up painting NYC’s
Puerto Rican populace as superstitious and downright supernatural, and in the
case of the title character’s occupant, homicidal. It all builds up to an
absolutely loathsome home invasion scene that would never get made today. It’s
unfortunate that The Possession of Joel
Delaney got made at all.
October 10
The Night Stalker (1972-
dir. John Llwelyn Moxley) ****
OK, I’ve watched one too many crappy movies on Marriott and
Newman’s recommendation, so I’m going to start working off book. As a palette
cleansing, I’m starting with an easy A. The
Night Stalker became a mini-sensation by introducing the wisecracking,
monster-hunting reporter Carl Kolchak to TV. A short lived series followed, but
the original movie—in which Kolchak stalks a Vampire stalking women in Vegas—
is generally regarded as the best Kolchak adventure. I agree, though more for
the dramatic quality of its denouement than its monster, which is a pretty
generic bloodsucker. This definitely feels like a stand-alone piece rather than
a pilot for the more frivolous series. The
Night Stalker is a tad grittier than the show, but Darrin McGavin is great
fun as the main character despite his occasional off putting callousness toward
the victims.
October 11
You’ll Find Out (1940-
dir. David Butler) **½
Totally cornball old dark house flick, little more than a cut-rate
vehicle for band leader Kay Kyser and his goofy troupe of musicians, has the
distinction of being the only movie to feature Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, and
Peter Lorre. Really, that’s reason enough to watch this piffle, and it isn’t
exactly unentertaining. The songs stink, but the grand horror trio are fun to
watch, and there’s even some genuinely creepy stuff involving a séance and
stomach-churning voice effects. Plus, now I finally know what an Ish Kabibble
is. I was probably better off before I did.
October 12
The Babadook (2014-
dir. Jennifer Kent) ****
The horror sensation about a scary children’s story that
comes to life may not be quite as scary as its rep suggests but it’s still a quality
horror picture. The top-hatted monster serves as a not-too-subtle metaphor for
the pain of losing a spouse and the difficulty of raising a troubled child solo
(he’s apparently also a symbol of the LGBQT community, but I’ve never
understood that). There are some clunky bits, but The Babadook is original, features a memorable monster and a
memorably harried performance from Essie Davis as the woman who can’t get her
crazed kid under control and can’t get rid of that damn Babadook book.
