I’m logging my Monster Movie Month © viewing with ultra-mini
reviews at the end of every week this October. I write it. You read it. No one
needs to get hurt.
Don’t Torture a
Duckling (1972- dir. Lucio Fulci) ****
Well, we’re off to a good start with a refreshing surprise.
I’ve never been a fan of Lucio Fulci’s gory nonsense, so I wasn’t expecting to
find anything appealing about one of his most famous flicks. Yet there is a
quite a bit about the charmingly titled Don’t
Torture a Duckling that is appealing, such as a central
mystery—specifically, who’s murdering the kids in a little Italian village?—
with a gaggle of suspects. This little village has the highest population of
weirdos this side of Twin Peaks. There’s an accused witch, a hermit who
practices black magic (and cut a police interrogation short because he has to
“take a crap”), and Barbara Bouchet as a drugged up pedophile. Fulci keeps the
excessive gore to a minimum, allowing it to shine in one scene that is
genuinely disturbing and one that is unintentionally hilarious. I saw the
culprit coming from a mile away, but the twist will be a neat one for those who
aren’t programmed to look for that kind of thing.
With its Gothic, Corman-esque atmosphere, and its Barbara
Steele, The Horrible Dr. Hichcock is
more my cup of tea than a Fulci gore opera, though this picture is less
satisfying than the previous one on our roster. Dr. Hichcock, who accidentally
poisons his wife and schemes to resurrect her by bizarre means, is pretty
horrible but he’s also kind of an idiot, which isn’t the most villainous
quality (our current president is the exception to this rule). What this movie
lacks in sense, it makes up for in style and Steele.
October 2
The Witch (2015- dir.
Robert Eggers) ****½
It’s slow going, but stick with it! The Witch is a wholly original look at the much-abused topic of the
New England witch trials. An air of oppressiveness drenches the quietest
passages (and this movie has a lot of those) in dread. However, the grand
finale is bizarrely celebratory, and makes the most effective use of imagery
culled from ancient wood engravings since Häxan.
Anya Taylor-Joy is a stand out new star as the accused witch but a goat named
Black Phillip steals this particular show.
The Stone Tape (1972-
dir. Peter Sasdy) **
This made-for-telly movie apparently gave a whole generation
of British kids nightmares, but The Stone
Tape has not aged well at all. A bunch of scientists who behave like the
biggest assholes at your local pub move their operation into an old castle where
they start having ghostly visions. Unlikable characters who freely engage in
racism and sexism, cheesy Dr. Who-esque
effects, stagey style, and repetitious action won’t win this thing any new fans.
Next time you need a Nigel Kneale fix, just rewatch The Quatermass Xperimient instead.
October 3
Bruno Schulz’s Street
of Crocodiles (1987- dir. The Brothers Quay) ****
This short film by the Brothers Quay is apparently based on
stories by Bruno Schulz, a Renaissance man—writer, artist, critic, teacher—who
was murdered during the Holocaust. Don’t expect a history lesson, though the
horrors Schulz endured are still effectively represented by grungy, nightmare
imagery. The Quays cast their film with a crew of broken, dirty, distorted
dolls who twitch, creep, and flicker their light bulb heads for 21 unpleasantly
hypnotic minutes. Hardly a traditional horror film, but just as unsettling as
the best of them.
Body Melt (1993- dir.
Philip Brophy) *½
Speaking of unpleasant, there’s this glob of grue from Down
Under. Writer/director Philip Brophy was clearly aiming to make some sort of
social statement with this rot about scientists testing new dietary pills on
the unwitting members of a small community, but it gets lost in sloppy
structure, dumb humor, and a lot of sheer grossness. The pills cause eyes to
pop out of skulls, heads to deflate, dicks to explode, fetuses to go haywire,
and everyone to sneeze gallons of goo. The effects are pretty well done for a
cheapy such as this, but none of it adds up to anything particularly pointed or
funny. Lighting your farts will have a similar effect while being less time
consuming and less unpleasant.
October 4
Eden Lake (2008- dir.
James Watkins) ****
Kids today with their loud music and their cellular phones
and their burning people alive! This little picture that won over critics in
2008 initially threatens to be nothing more than Deliverance with obnoxious teens instead of inbred hill people and
Kelly Reilly and Michael Fassbinder instead of Burt Reynolds and Ned Beatty. However,
Eden Lake gradually reveals itself to
be more complex than its more famous predecessor since most of the villains are
reluctant ones (oh, peer pressure!). The complex dynamic between the kids and
the adults (one of whom is a school teacher who has trouble turning her back on
children even when they’re conspiring to slaughter her) ultimately makes Eden Lake more of a Lord of the Flies-indebted drama than a horror movie despite all
the grisly gore. Because of its realistic behaviors and less realistic but
still tragic logic, it’s more horrific than most fully committed horror movies.
