Showing posts with label The Lost World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Lost World. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Lost World: Hammer Studios' 'Nessie'

Developing a movie project is such a convoluted process that it’s amazing any films ever get made at all. There are the budgetary problems, and the casting difficulties, and the conflicts between directors and producers that have caused more than a few projects to be aborted before reaching term. In this on-going series I’ve dubbed “The Lost World”, I’ll be looking at some of these sweet abortions.

What would have become of Horror had it not been for Hammer Studios? By the 1950s Sci-Fi allegories buzzing with UFOs and the nefarious aliens who piloted them had essentially subsumed their Gothic cousins. Hammer restored the genre, returning tried and true creeps such as Dracula, the Frankenstein Monster, and the werewolf to their rightful places within desiccated abbeys and quaint European villages. The artistry of Hammer’s The Curse of Frankenstein, Horror of Dracula, The Mummy, The Brides of Dracula, The Curse of the Werewolf, and The Devil Rides Out are basically inarguable (at least among aficionados). The value of the sexier, bloodier, kitschier fare that followed—The Vampire Lovers and Taste the Blood of Dracula and Blood From the Mummy’s Tomb and Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde and Lust for a Vampire—is more a matter of taste, so to speak. As wonderful as Britain’s venerated studio surely was, Hammer could never really compete with Psycho or Peeping Tom or Repulsion or Rosemary’s Baby in terms of sophistication. So to continue luring hapless victims into cinemas during the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, Hammer amped up the luridness and the silliness. For those who appreciate high-camp, there is much to enjoy in these pictures, but they still signaled the unfortunate fact that Hammer was running low on inspiration.



Hammer was not only running low on fresh ideas; the coffers were drying out, as well. Britain was in the midst of a major recession sparked by the oil embargo declared by OPEC in response to the U.S. supplying the Israeli military during the 1973 Arab-Israeli War. The situation was not aided by the policies of Tory chancellor Anthony Barber or a miners strike resulting in significant electricity cuts the previous year. Britain’s film industry felt the pinch. Hammer went from cranking out 19 films in 1968 to 6 each in ’72 and ’73 and a mere 5 in ’74. Cinemas were closing and transforming into Bingo halls. In 1975, two of Britain’s major production companies, Elstree and Pinewood, produced no films. Hammer was down to a single one.

The origins of Nessie are sketchy. The man most associated with the film is Bryan Forbes. In 1969, Forbes became managing director of EMI, which had just merged with Rank Films, a company that, despite its name, was associated with stodgy tastefulness. Forbes readily admits in Sinclair McKay’s Hammer history A Thing of Unspeakable Horror that Horror was “not really my genre.” Yet he was the man whom Hammer executive Michael Carreras approached about writing the studio’s next feature. As EMI was funding the comparatively profitable Hammer films, Forbes may have had extra incentive for saying “yes” to Carreras’s offer. He certainly had the screenwriting credentials to do the job: The League of Gentlemen, Séance on a Wet Afternoon, King Rat. He’d go on to write even higher profile films, including International Velvet and Chaplin. He’d also proven himself a strong director with Séance, Rat, and The Stepford Wives. But whether the idea of writing a horror film involving the Loch Ness Monster came from Forbes or Carreras is not known.



In his A Thing of Unspeakable Horror, McKay described Nessie as “a sort of cross between King Kong and Jaws.” Forbes completed the screenplay, and according to the official website of Toho Films— the Japanese studio responsible for all those giant monster movies starring Godzilla, Mothra, and Rodan —was also slotted to direct. Revered media personality David Frost, of all people, apparently was 


Less bizarrely, Toho wanted in on the action, as well. In fact, pre-production work supposedly was underway at Toho. Teruyoshi Nakano, who was behind the special effects in all those Godzilla pictures, created the Loch Ness Monster prop, which is possibly depicted in this photo at Tojo Kindom.

Forbes has supplied little information on his script, only telling McKay that one draft involved “underwater oil ruins and oil rigs in the Indian Ocean getting wrecked.” His explanation for why the film fizzled is equally nebulous. “Just disappeared without a trace, really,” he told McKay.

Hammer wound up producing the spectacularly sleazy To the Devil a Daughter, starring Christopher Lee and 15-year-old Nastassja Kinski, instead. The film would be the Studio’s last Horror, if not its last hurrah (that would be the 1976 Hitchcock remake The Lady Vanishes), in its original incarnation. But the Nessie project supposedly persisted. Even as financial backing was vanishing, Toho created an advance poster for the film in 1978. But the film was officially scrapped the following year.



Had Nessie materialized it may have done its part in reviving Hammer. The Godzilla films are certainly perennial favorites and Nakano’s creation is cheesily promising. But fans of Hammer’s Gothic tradition may have only been baffled by a giant sea-monster movie starring a hand puppet. A similar effort written and directed by Larry “Mars Needs Women” Buchanan in 1981 called The Loch Ness Horror produced nothing more than guffaws. But that film didn’t have Bryan Forbes on board. Would he have written and directed a contemporary King Kong or a six-years-early Loch Ness Horror? Only dwellers in The Lost World know for sure…

Sunday, July 25, 2010

December 17, 2009: The Lost World: David Lynch’s ‘Return of the Jedi’

Developing a movie project is such a convoluted process that it’s amazing any films ever get made at all. There are the budgetary problems, and the casting difficulties, and the conflicts between directors and producers that have caused more than a few projects to be aborted before reaching term. In this on-going series I’ve dubbed “The Lost World”, I’ll be looking at some of these sweet abortions.

David Lynch’s Return of the Jedi

I try to reserve The Lost World for those projects rich in juicy details, history, and possibilities, but some projects were so patently doomed that there really isn’t much to say about them, no matter how intriguing they may be. Case in point: the never-gonna-happen collaboration between experimental dream-weaver David Lynch and bearded money-machine George Lucas. That Lucas once had Lynch in mind to direct the third installment of his Star Wars saga, Return of the Jedi, is a pretty open secret. Lucas set his sights on Lynch after being mightily impressed by Lynch’s mightily impressive first venture into mainstream filmmaking, The Elephant Man. Lynch turned down the lucrative opportunity because he knew he’d only be a hired hand on the project (instead he opted to make another sci-fi picture: an adaptation of Frank Herbert’s Dune. Ummm, that worked out real well for him). Thus, the world was deprived of a Jabba the Hutt with sucking skin lesions, a black coffee-guzzling Han Solo, and a gas-huffing Darth Vader incessantly telling Luke Skywalker that “Daddy’s coming home.” Instead, directorial duties went to Richard Marquand, and we got Ewoks and other cutesy pie rubbish primed for the shelves of Toys ‘R Us.

During a recent Q & A at the Hudson Union Society, Lynch finally spoke publicly about the Lucas offer. The following clip of his brief but hilarious recount of a rather stressful visit to Skywalker Ranch has been making the Internet rounds this week, but for the few of you who’ve yet to see it, it bears reposting. So, without further falderal, I hand the baton to Mr. Lynch, himself, who will now take us on an entertaining little jaunt to The Lost World

Stay tuned for Lynch’s upcoming documentary about the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Perhaps we’ll soon discover that Lynch was also originally slotted to direct Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

October 14, 2009: The Lost World: John L. Balderston’s ‘Dracula’s Daughter’

Developing a movie project is such a convoluted process that it’s amazing any films ever get made at all. There are the budgetary problems, and the casting difficulties, and the conflicts between directors and producers that have caused more than a few projects to be aborted before reaching term. In this on-going series I’ve dubbed “The Lost World”, I’ll be looking at some of these sweet abortions.

John L. Balderston’s Dracula’s Daughter

It all starts with Tod Browning’s Dracula, the film that kicked off the golden age of horror, inspired endless pretenders, and became Universal Pictures’ most massive money machine of 1931. Desperate for income during the Great Depression, Universal was hot to capitalize on Dracula’s success, and rapidly followed it with such iconic chillers as Frankenstein, Murders in the Rue Morgue, and The Old Dark House. Amidst Universal’s initial horror frenzy, producer David O. Selznick bought the rights to the excised opening chapter of Bram Stoker’s Dracula from Stoker’s widow Florence in 1933. The chapter introduced Jonathan Harker and detailed his weird encounter with a female vampire he happens across while heading to Dracula’s castle. Stoker’s publisher clipped the sequence from Dracula for fear the novel was growing unwieldy, but it was published as a short story titled “Dracula’s Guest” two years after his death. Selznick, however, decided that Dracula’s Daughter was a snappier title for his film.

John L. Balderston

Selznick recruited John L. Balderston, who’d written the stage play on which the Dracula film was based (as well as the screenplays for Frankenstein and The Mummy) to compose a treatment. This was right before Hollywood really began enforcing the priggish Hays Code that drastically reduced the level of sex and violence permissible in American films, so Balderston packed his treatment with all manner of forbidden delights. With the title vampire left staked and dead (as opposed to “undead”) at the climax of Dracula, Balderston had to explore some of the second-tier characters for a premise. As related in David J. Skal’s indispensable book The Monster Show, Balderston decided to focus on Dracula’s trio of wan brides glimpsed so briefly and tantalizingly in Browning’s film. His treatment revives a most unsavory sequence from Stoker’s novel in which Dracula presents his brides with an infant as a sack lunch. The film was to have the Prince of Darkness’s daughter offering up the bagged baby, as she was left to rule over crumbling Castle Dracula while daddy was out of town. The brides gripe that they’d prefer some young men to feed on, and the daughter expresses her displeasure at their complaints by cracking an S&M whip at her stepmothers and warning that she is their “mistress” while Drac’s away.


Balderston also intended to explicitly portray the daughter’s attacks as sensual seductions committed by a night creature that is “amorous of her victims.” She was to torture these fellows using the sundry “industrial-strengths whips, straps, and chains” she kept in her arsenal.

Unlike Browning’s Dracula, which started with a bang then gradually relaxed into a drawing-room mystery, Balderston intended his Dracula’s Daughter to build steadily toward a heart-jolting climax more in line with Stoker’s book. The film was to begin with Dr. Van Helsing setting off to Transylvania to do away with Dracula’s brides. Unbeknownst to the vampire hunter, the Daughter follows him to London. While there she snares a handsome aristocrat named Lord Edward Wadhurst in her thrall. Van Helsing and the aristocrat’s fiancée, Helen Swaything, chase the Daughter back to Transylvania, where they put her in her permanent grave. Incidentally, this treatment (as well as all subsequent versions of Dracula’s Daughter) has nothing in common with “Dracula’s Guest” aside from the presence of a female vampire.

Balderston’s Dracula’s Daughter was probably never going to get the green light simply based on its content: the sex, the gruesome violence, the torture, the baby eating. But it was legal matters that sunk the picture officially. According to Selznick’s agreement with Florence Stoker, no character or incident from any of her husband’s work aside from “Dracula’s Guest” was permitted to be included in the film. That means no Van Helsing, no Brides, and no baby in a bag. Selznick parted ways with Balderston and employed R.C. Sherriff, who’d contributed dialogue to The Old Dark House and written The Invisible Man, to rewrite the treatment. But when Universal Pictures sent the treatment to production-code führer Joe Breen, it was again rejected for its sex and violence, which Breen branded “dangerous,” and for Sherriff’s inclusion of Dracula in some flashback sequences.


So Dracula’s Daughter just kept getting limper and limper. The exorcising of kinky sex and violence neutered the film as a truly shocking entity. The loss of the Dracula character devalued its appeal as a sequel to the original film, which hinged so much on the iconic presence of Bela Lugosi (although Van Helsing somehow remained). Hope was in the air when James Whale, horror’s single most original and extraordinary filmmaker, came on board to direct, but his plans to craft a lavish, big-budget picture were nixed by Universal, who were reluctant to dole out the dollars. They settled for a fairly humdrum screenplay by Garrett Fort, who’d worked on the script of the Dracula play, and hired Lambert Hillyer to direct. As released in 1936, Dracula’s Daughter is certainly not without its charms. Gloria Holden brings a spooky grace and possessed intensity to Countess Marya Zaleska, the title vampire. The scene in which she puts her father to rest during an al fresco funeral ritual is among the most atmospheric and unsettling in a Universal horror film. The overt S&M torture of Balderston’s treatment may be gone, but Countess’s seduction of a street girl is still pretty racy by 1930’s standards. Still it would be glorious for a contemporary filmmaker to resurrect the film blueprinted in Balderston’s nasty treatment. Until then, John L. Balderston’s Dracula’s Daughter will continue to be just another pile of bones languishing in the Lost World.

September 2, 2009: The Lost World: Roman Polanski’s 3-D Horror Movie

Developing a movie project is such a convoluted process that it’s amazing any films ever get made at all. There are the budgetary problems, and the casting difficulties, and the conflicts between directors and producers that have caused more than a few projects to be aborted before reaching term. In this on-going series I’ve dubbed “The Lost World”, I’ll be looking at some of these sweet abortions.

Roman Polanski’s 3-D Horror Movie


“Polanski has said that his filmmaking ideal has always been to involve audiences so deeply that they see that their visual experience approximates living reality.”

-Professor Richard L. Gregory

Say what you will about his infamously unsavory personal behavior, there’s no question that Roman Polanski was one of the greatest horror filmmakers of the ‘60s and ‘70s. His first excursion into the genre was Repulsion (1965), a psychological nightmare in which virginal Carol Ledoux’s (Catherine Deneuve) terror of sex explodes into murderous fits. The film had much in common with Hitchcock’s Psycho and Michael Powell’s Peeping Tom (both 1960) as its goal was to cause the viewer to empathize with the killer rather than the victims. This spin would be integral to the slasher films that proliferated drive-ins during the ‘70s, but those films handled it more crudely than these works by Hitchcock, Powell, and Polanski.

Polanski achieves this empathy in Repulsion by focusing intensely on the killer’s personal life and with his use of short focal lenses, which allow the camera to get incredibly close to its subject, while creating a distorted, fish-eye image. The result makes the viewer feel as though she/he is huddled right on top of Carol. Still, Polanski yearned to ratchet up the horror much more than such lenses allowed, especially after he’d experienced his own personal horror on August 9, 1969. That of course was the date that Charles Manson’s “family” of psychopaths brutally murdered Polanski’s wife, Sharon Tate, and their unborn child. Polanski was emotionally ravaged by the incident. This is evident in the self-destructiveness and nihilism he exhibited throughout the subsequent decade, which culminated in his rape of a 13-year old girl in 1977. It’s also evident in the films he made, especially his excellent, extremely violent adaptation of MacBeth (1971), in which he graphically depicts the murder of Lady MacDuff and her family—an obvious mirror of his own wife’s murder.

Polanski’s madness not only found him recreating one of the most traumatic experiences of his life (I say “one of”, because he also lived through the Holocaust, in which his mother was killed), but also had him scheming (perhaps sadistically) to devise ways to force the audience to experience horror in a more intimate and intense way than they ever had before. Fascinatingly, the method he chose to employ was 3-D, a film technique generally used in exploitative, gimmicky ways.

Roman Polanski’s ride toward creating a 3-D horror film began with his discovery of Eye and Brain (1966) by British psychologist Richard L. Gregory. The book explains how the human eye perceives “brightness, movement, color, and objects,” and how such elements impact the psyche. According to Gregory, Polanski started toting around the book as his personal Bible. He sought out the psychologist, and recruited him to drive around London in search of 3-D projection facilities. Polanski’s mission was to find a 3-D-system that utilized a single projector rather than the standard dual-projector, which transmitted two images simultaneously, creating the depth illusion when viewed with those groovy red/blue polarized glasses.



Polanski wanted to find a single projector system because the vast majority of theaters were only equipped with single projectors, thus allowing wider distribution for his film, and because of the difficulties of synching up dual projectors. If improperly calibrated, 3-D projectors created bad, blurry images, a problem that plagued showings of earlier 3-D films like The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954).

Unfortunately, the project only got as far as the planning stages because Polanski couldn’t stir up industry interest in the project. There is no account of a script or even an outline of the story. Polanski only made one horror film in the ‘70s, The Tenant (1976), but there is no evidence that this was the film he planned to shoot in 3-D. Gregory said that he and the filmmaker made a series of tests in the early ‘70s with the intention of filming an erotic 3-D picture, but this provocative concept never came to fruition either. With today’s superior 3-D technology (if you haven’t seen it and can still find it in a theater somewhere, please, please, please check out the animated film Coraline to discover how brilliantly effective the technique has become), it would be pretty fascinating to see Polanski finally bring his 3-D horror vision to the screen. Until then, it will continue to reside in the Lost World.

August 14, 2009: The Lost World: The Rolling Stones in ‘A Clockwork Orange’


Developing a movie project is such a convoluted process that it’s amazing any films ever get made at all. There are the budgetary problems, and the casting difficulties, and the conflicts between directors and producers that have caused more than a few projects to be aborted before reaching term. In this on-going series I’ve dubbed “The Lost World”, I’ll be looking at some of these sweet abortions.

The Rolling Stones in A Clockwork Orange

July 28, 2009: The Lost World: “Gardenback”

Developing a movie project is such a convoluted process that it’s amazing any films ever get made at all. There are the budgetary problems, and the casting difficulties, and the conflicts between directors and producers that have caused more than a few projects to be aborted before reaching term. In this on-going series I’ve dubbed “The Lost World”, I’ll be looking at some of these sweet abortions.

“Gardenback”

Lynch
In 1977, David Lynch released what was arguably the last great Midnight Movie when his long-gestating surrealist masterpiece Eraserhead finally found its way into movie theaters. Like everything related to Eraserhead, the film was slow to find its audience, but once it did, it became a cult sensation and enabled Lynch to continue creating brilliantly dreamlike works such as The Elephant Man (1980), Blue Velvet (1986), Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992), Mulholland Drive (2001), and Inland Empire (2006). However, the story of Henry Spencer and his girlfriend Mary X was not born as the feature-length Eraserhead. These characters initially appeared in a short script for a film titled “Gardenback”.

July 21, 2009: The Lost World: Jaws 3, People 0

Developing a movie project is such a convoluted process that it’s amazing any films ever get made at all. There are the budgetary problems, and the casting difficulties, and the conflicts between directors and producers that have caused more than a few projects to be aborted before reaching term. In this new series I’ve dubbed The Lost World, I’ll be looking at some of these sweet abortions.

Jaws 3, People 0

Steven Spielberg’s Jaws was one of the most commercially successful films of the 1970s, basically birthing the “blockbuster” and riling countless “serious cineastes” for allegedly killing the gritty cinema then in vogue (stuff like Straw Dogs and Mean Streets) and opening the doors to big special effects and lowest-common-denominator action. The critics apparently missed the complex characterizations and smart dialogue in Jaws (not to mention the fact that the special effects weren’t all that spectacular), which are so overwhelmingly the focus of the picture that it barely feels like a horror film at all. Still its shark-attack sequences scared scores of movie-goers shitless… movie goers who so adored the bowel-voiding experience that they returned again and again until Jaws had grossed well over $470 million. Typical of Hollywood, producers Richard D. Zanuck and David Brown didn’t know when to leave a good thing alone, and Jaws 2 followed in 1978. The sequel lacks the delightful exchanges between Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, and Robert Shaw, but gains a scene in which the shark eats a helicopter. Despite its mediocrity, Jaws 2 became the highest-grossing sequel of all-time (a title it held for a paltry two years until The Empire Strikes Back swept in and snatched it up).

Inspired by the continuing success of their series, Richard D. Zanuck and David Brown revisited the Jaws cash cow again in 1979, but their approach to this second sequel was genuinely inspired. With a title worthy of Mad magazine, Jaws 3, People 0 was to be an Airplane-esque spoof of the entire Jaws phenomenon. Zanuck and Brown hired a pair of writers from the comedy mag National Lampoon—Todd Carroll and ‘80s teen-flick maestro John Hughes— to pen the script, which would have begun with Jaws novelist and screenwriter Peter Benchley diving into his swimming pool and being devoured by the shark mid-arch. From there on the movie would have continued along as a sort of proto-Wes Craven’s New Nightmare as an attempt to make a second Jaws sequel is constantly derailed by a peckish pesce. Richard Dreyfuss and Bo Derek (!) were apparently on board to star.

Last month, a web site called Forces of Geek.com posted the fabled Jaws 3, People 0 screenplay in its entirety. While the idea was a lot cleverer and more original than just another lazy “sit back and watch the shark dine” thriller, the jokes are mostly lame and don’t come with the velocity that elevated Airplane’s lame jokes to the exhilaratingly absurd. Spielberg took greater issue with the way the script skewered a character called “The Director” (but often referred to as “Steven”), who is basically portrayed as buffoonish fish food (the shark bites bits and pieces off the Director throughout the film). After Spielberg barked “you make this movie, and I’m walking off the lot” to Universal Pictures chairman Sid Sheinberg, the script was shelved. In place of Carroll and Hughes, the producers hired a couple of likely lads— Carl Gottlieb (The Jerk) and Richard Matheson (who’d written such classic “Twilight Zone” episodes as “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” and “Little Girl Lost”) — to adapt a story that basically ripped off the Creature From the Black Lagoon sequel Revenge of the Creature (i.e.: the monster goes on a rampage in a marine animal park in 3-D). The resulting picture, Jaws 3-D (1983), was a piece of crap that eschewed the originality of Jaws 3, People 0 for more lazy kills and lukewarm chills. Jaws: The Revenge, a film that’s greatest cultural contributions are its status as one of the worst sequels ever made and the deathless tag-line “The Time It’s Personal,” arrived four years later. Chances are neither of these movies would have been made had the Jaws 3, People 0 folly come to fruition, because a spoof would have likely either brought the entire series to a hasty conclusion or led to additional spoofs. Still, I don’t think the spoof would have done much to sully the reputation of the original Jaws considering that none of its vastly inferior sequels have had that effect. As far as I’m concerned, the most worthy thing Jaws ever spawned was a nifty game in which the player has to use a hook to pull pieces of garbage out of a shark’s mouth without causing its jaws to snap shut. Hmmm, is that a reel of Jaws 3, People 0 I see among the rubbish?

April 1, 2009: Hey, Hey, We’re the… Who?



1968 was a shaky year for the ever-unpredictable Who. The group was without a new album to promote, and the three singles they released (“Dogs”, “Call Me Lightning”, and “Magic Bus”) were all flops. Having yet to fully break through in the U.S., regarded as little more than a novelty act in their English homeland, and regularly blowing their pay checks by destroying instruments, hotel rooms, and anything else in their path, the Who needed a fresh idea to rescue their career, and they needed one quickly. Prior to his death in late 1967, Brian Epstein, the Beatles’ famed-manager and owner of the booking agency that handled the Who, had been pressing for the group to star in their own TV series. Hell, the concept had made stars of the Monkees, so why not the Who? As not-ready-for-prime-time as the boys were, their wildly colorful image and penchant for cartoonish tunes like “Boris the Spider”, “Odorono”, and “Dogs” made them pretty apt candidates to do for the BBC what the Monkees had done for NBC in the States. As they had already proven in this promotional video for “Happy Jack” shot on December 19, 1966, the Who were funny and charismatic… if not too busy singing to put anybody down:

The Who’s long-lost TV project may be the stuff of legend, but most fans do not realize how close it came to reality. A newsletter released in conjunction with the group’s Spring 1968 tour of the U.S. announced that the show was in the works, and the BBC issued a press release confirming the project. The program was to be titled “Sound and Picture City”, and would have been filmed largely in America, even though it was slotted to air on the BBC. While “The Monkees” was essentially a sitcom with a few tacked-on music videos, “Sound and Picture City” would have been more of a variety show (coincidentally, this was the very direction the Monkees wanted to take their own show when its ratings were on the wane). Every week the Who would star in a three-minute comedic serial and perform a new song. Otherwise, the show would feature performances by their peers, and such stars as Bob Dylan (!), Lulu, and the Monkees, themselves, were reportedly already booked to appear.


Alas, the deal was never closed, and the world was deprived of the sublime wackiness of “Sound and Picture City”. Most speculate that this was probably all for the best. On the one hand, the Who may have suffered the slings and arrows of critical snobbery for embarking on such a fluffy project, much as the Monkees had. The show most likely would have ended the Who’s career upon its inevitable cancellation. This means no Tommy (the career-resuscitating gimmick that ended up taking the place of “Sound and Picture City”), Who’s Next, Quadrophenia, etc.

On the other hand, the greatest era of the Who’s career arguably ended in 1968. While I do love the band’s ‘70s work, no period will ever compare to their run as the greatest Pop-Art provocateurs of the mid-‘60s. There’s no denying that the Who “played their own instruments”— better than any other band ever, no less—so they surely would have side-stepped that criticism regularly flung at the Monkees. The Who also had Keith Moon, the most naturally hilarious rock star ever, as their comedic ace-in-the-hole. Townshend was no slouch in that department, either. Watching Keith and Pete impel the lethargic crowd to their feet during a canned version of “Salt of the Earth”—all while wearing seat cushions on their heads— is one of the great pleasures of “The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus”…


…as is watching them lay waste to everyone else appearing on the program with a magnificent performance of “A Quick One, While He’s Away”…


Daltrey eventually embarked on an acting career during the ‘70s, so he probably would have been comfortable enough on the show. Entwistle, however, would have been the wild card. The greatest bass player of all time may have been the greatest bass player of all time, but he didn’t exactly exude charisma, as a clip from “Russell Hardy Plus” confirms.


So, we can speculate that Pete Townshend would have been the Mike Nesmith of “Sound and Picture City”, as both were the leaders of their respective groups and both balanced their goofy senses of humor with genuine dark sides. Keith Moon would have been Micky Dolenz, the hyper-active clown (and the two drummers eventually became fast friends and incorrigible drinking buddies in real life). Roger Daltrey, the ostensible heart-throb of the Who, would probably have been relegated to the Davy Jones role. This would have left John Entwistle to fill the Peter Tork role, both being talented multi-instrumentalists. Of course, Entwistle certainly would have balked had he been forced into playing the moron, as Tork was on “The Monkees”, a role he deeply resented.

Alas, all we have regarding “Sound and Picture City” is speculation. Fortunately, the Who appeared on camera regularly enough throughout their career to essentially quench the thirst for such a program. The Kids Are Alright alone is probably worth 100 episodes of “Sound and Picture City”. Still, one can’t help wistfully wondering about what might have been, shedding a gentle tear, donning a purple spangled superhero costume, and beating up Steve Martin.

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